I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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