I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
