i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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