K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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