You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
