I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
