the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
