Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
