it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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