shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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