he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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