I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
