why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
