Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
