Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
