very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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