there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Randomize
