Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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