I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
