you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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