He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
