Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
