Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
