Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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