Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
