So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
