Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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