I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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