Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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