Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
