have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
