I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
3pm strippers are depressing
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
