My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
