I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
