Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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