i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
