Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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