yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
