I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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