today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize