I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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