just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
