I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
