There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
