He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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