my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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