69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
