She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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