you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
