But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize