Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
