he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
