I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
