my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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