I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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