I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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