i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize