if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
