Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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