today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize