$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
