if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
