Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
