We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
