He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
