Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
